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Big feelings. Bedtime battles. “Is this normal?” Get practical tools from Dr. Becky and her team for the parenting moments you’re in right now.

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Stop Repeating Yourself: 5 Instructions That Actually Work for Kids with ADHD

If you feel like you&#8217;re repeating yourself all day, you&#8217;re not alone.
Most parents of kids with attention difficulties know this loop: you say the thing, you say it again, you say it louder, you throw in a random threat you have no intention of following through on, and somehow everyone ends up frustrated anyway.
That doesn&#8217;t mean your kid isn&#8217;t trying, or that you’re giving directions “all wrong.” it usually just means you’re giving them in a way their brain couldn’t grab onto.
Here are five things that help.
1. Give one step at a time.
&#8220;Get your shoes on, grab your backpack, and meet me at the door&#8221; sounds like one direction. For a kid who struggles with attention issues,, it&#8217;s three &#8211; and step one can crowd out everything that comes after it.
Try giving one instruction, pausing, and letting that happen. Then, move on to the next one. It may feel slower, but in the long run it makes things smoother.
2. Connect first
When we give an instruction, we’re often asking our kid to do something less fun than what they’re currently doing &#8211; and that’s a totally reasonable thing to push back on! When we connect first, we build a bridge from their world to ours, which makes the transition less jarring.
Connecting first starts with noticing what your kid is doing and naming it: “wow, you’re really focused on building that tower.”
Then, acknowledge that the transition feels hard: “That looks like so much fun! I know it’s going to be tricky to pause and stop what you’re doing.” This lets them know that you see them, and you get it.
Once you’ve connected, you can make the ask clear: “It’s cleanup time now. Do you want to start by putting away blocks or LEGOs?”
When kids feel seen in what they’re already doing and have their feelings about a transition acknowledged, they’re way more likely to cooperate with what comes next (and yes, this same thing is true for us adults as well).
3. Make it visible
A spoken reminder disappears the moment you walk away &#8211; but a checklist on the fridge or a checklist on the fridge is there as a visual reminder of what needs to happen next. When the reminder lives somewhere your kid can see it, they don’t have to rely on memory- and you don’t have to be the one to remind them. Now it’s you and your kid on the same team “against” a checklist or post-it note &#8211; instead of you against your kid. This shift is huge.
Two examples: A morning routine chart by the bathroom door with pictures or short words &#8211; brush teeth, get dressed, pack bag. Or a &#8220;when I get home&#8221; list stuck to the inside of the front door &#8211; shoes off, snack, backpack on hook. The point isn&#8217;t perfection; it&#8217;s giving your kid’s brain something to look at instead of something to remember.
4. Stay nearby and try “body doubling”. 
Sometimes the hardest part isn&#8217;t knowing what to do. It&#8217;s starting.
Whether it’s sitting at the table while they do homework, or staying in the kitchen while they pack their bag. You can even start checking emails or making a to-do list while they start their homework. You don&#8217;t have to take over or say anything at all &#8211; for a lot of kids, just having someone nearby or watching someone else initiate a task makes it a little easier to begin. That’s called body-doubling.
5. Build it with them.
A routine your kid helps create is one they&#8217;re much more likely to follow. In fact, a routine you create and give to your kid is unlikely to succeed. When your kid has a say in what comes first, what comes next, and what done looks like &#8211; it stops being your plan and becomes our plan.
That shift matters. Now it&#8217;s you and them vs. the chart, not you vs. them. And when things go sideways, you&#8217;re both just checking what the plan says.
The goal isn&#8217;t to lower the expectation. It&#8217;s to clear a path to meeting it.
When an instruction lands more easily, kids have a better shot at following through. And you get to spend less of your day repeating yourself. That’s a win for everyone.
Note: This content is for informational and educational purposes only and does not constitute medical, psychological, or therapeutic advice. Good Inside is not a licensed medical or mental health provider and does not diagnose, assess, or treat medical, developmental, or psychiatric conditions. This is parent coaching for the very real moments that happen in your home every day. If you suspect your child may have ADHD, please consult a licensed professional.

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Conversations to Have With Your Care Team: Birth Preferences

We’ve talked about how birth preferences can serve you better than a rigid birth plan, and how staying connected to what matters to you is more useful than trying to control every outcome.This article, and the accompanying <a target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" class="" href="https://media.goodinside.com/gibaby_birthpreferencesworksheet_v1_1778878711418.pdf">Birth Preferences Worksheet</a> are designed to help you actually do that work.The worksheet is a simple, structured guide for thinking through your birth preferences: what matters to you, how you want to be supported, and what you want your care team to know before you’re in what could feel like a high-stress moment. Whether or not you choose to fill it out, it can act as a jumping off point for productive conversations with your provider.Research consistently shows that parents who discuss their preferences with their care team in advance have better experiences, and often better outcomes. The benefit comes from the communication itself. Your care team knowing who you are before a high-stress moment is genuinely protective.<h3>Who You Are Under Stress</h3>Start here as you fill out your birth preferences. This is the part most birth preference conversations skip - and it’s often the most useful thing a care team can know.Think about how you tend to process difficult information:<ul><li>Do you want every detail explained so you can think through your options?</li><li>Or do you prefer the essential facts and a clear recommendation in high-stakes moments?</li></ul>You might also think about sensory experience:<ul><li>Are you sensitive to loud noise, bright lights, or a crowded room?</li><li>Would a quieter, lower-stimulation environment help you feel more regulated?</li></ul>If your care team knows this in advance, they can often make small but meaningful adjustments like dimming lights, limiting extra people, keeping voices low.Other things to include:<ul><li>Who should speak on your behalf if you can’t advocate for yourself</li><li>Whether you prefer to ask questions or receive information proactively</li><li>Any past medical experiences or fears your care team should know about</li></ul><h3>Clinical Requests Worth Stating</h3>Most hospitals follow evidence-based practices, so a long list of preferences often isn't necessary. As you fill out your preferences, focus on a few requests that are especially helpful to name clearly:<ul><li>Pain management: Talking through the process of requesting and placing an epidural, and the implications for movement and monitoring can feel clarifying and even comforting.&nbsp;</li></ul><ul><li>Delayed cord clamping: Usually standard, but worth discussing.</li><li>Cord blood banking: This requires advance planning and your care team needs to know ahead of time.</li><li>Skin-to-skin contact immediately after birth: This is standard in most hospitals for uncomplicated deliveries, but if you want to make sure it happens even in a more complex situation, naming it and discussing it with your provider ahead of time can help.</li><li>Who you want present and who cuts the cord: Simple decisions that can feel chaotic in the moment</li><li>Whether medical students or residents are welcome: If you have strong preferences, include them.</li></ul><h3>How to Use This With Your Provider</h3>Once you’ve filled out your preferences, bring it to your provider around 28-32 weeks and go through it together. This conversation matters as much as the document itself, and it leaves time to consider alternative providers if it reveals any red flags.You deserve to understand how your preferences will be handled in practice. That includes:<ul><li>What might be difficult to accommodate and why</li><li>How your provider navigates situations where your preferences differ from their recommendation</li></ul>This is also a good time to ask about your hospital’s policies and data, such as cesarean rates or monitoring practices, so you’re not encountering this information for the first time during labor.If you feel unheard in this conversation, take that seriously. You have the right to ask questions, to understand recommendations, and to feel like you can speak openly.&nbsp;<h3>A Note for Black and Brown Parents</h3>We want to take a moment to name a hard truth that needs to be part of many more conversations around birth prep and outcomes.&nbsp;In the United States, Black and Brown birthing people are two to three times more likely to die from pregnancy-related causes than white, and more than 80% of those are preventable.&nbsp;It’s hard to hold this truth, and it’s hard that this disparity is the result of racism in medical settings; specifically, the documented pattern of Black and Brown women’s pain being dismissed and their autonomy overridden.And also, when Black and Brown expecting parents discuss their birth preferences with their providers during pregnancy, outcomes improve; especially when those conversations and preferences are well documented.&nbsp;Here are some other steps that research identifies as protective<ul><li>Bring an advocate to your delivery who can speak up if your concerns are dismissed</li><li>Research your hospital’s outcomes for Black and Brown patients specifically</li><li>Ask your provider how they handle situations where a patient disagrees with their recommendation</li><li>Trust your instincts. If something feels off, name it clearly and ask for it to be documented.</li></ul>There is far more to say on this topic, and so much work to be done. For a fuller discussion and many more resources, the United States House of Representatives’ <a target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://blackmaternalhealthcaucus-underwood.house.gov/about">Black Maternal Health Caucus </a>is a great place to start.<h3>And Finally</h3>Birth doesn’t follow a script, and considering your preferences will not control every outcome. And on such an important day, it can feel grounding to know you have considered and communicated your values, priorities, and needs so that the people caring for you can partner with you more effectively.

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What Your One-Year-Old Actually Understands

Way more than you think. Here’s what that means for you.Your one-year-old can’t tell you what they want for lunch. They can’t explain why they’re upset. They can’t say “please give me a heads up before we leave.” But they understand a shocking amount of what’s happening around them. And how you talk to them - or whether you talk to them - makes a real difference.What they take in By twelve months, most children understand somewhere between 50 and 100 words, even if they can only say a handful. By eighteen months, they’re understanding simple sentences and following basic instructions. They know the names of people and objects. They know routines. They know when something is about to change.They can’t say “I know we’re about to leave the park and I’m not happy about it.” But they feel it. And they watch your face, your body, your tone of voice for information about what’s happening next.What to do with this Narrate. That’s the simplest thing. Before you pick them up: “I’m going to pick you up now.” Before you leave: “We’re going to leave in two minutes. I know. That’s hard.” Before a diaper change: “Let’s go change your diaper. I’m going to lay you down.” Before taking something away: “I’m going to take these scissors. They’re sharp. I know you wanted them.”It doesn’t have to be a speech. One or two sentences. The point is: you’re including them. You’re giving them information. You’re saying, without saying it, “you are a person and I respect you.”You won’t eliminate the protest. They’re still one. But you’ll reduce the intensity, because they’re not fighting the ambush on top of the disappointment.The short version Talk to them before you do things to them. They’re listening even when they can’t answer. And it matters more than you’d think.

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Our kids&#8217; difficult moments come from a failure of emotion regulation, not a failure of logic.



When our kids act out, we either interpret these moments through the lens of &#8220;What&#8217;s wrong with my kid, why did he do that?&#8221; or &#8220;What’s going on for my kid, I wonder why he did that?&#8221; This not only determines our response, but also wires our children for how they will think about themselves, whether they will ask themselves &#8220;What’s wrong with me, why did I do that?&#8221; or &#8220;What&#8217;s going on for me, I wonder why I did that?&#8221;



I want the second option for my kids, for sure.



<h2 class="wp-block-heading">The dysregulation behind bad behavior</h2>



In their early years, kids experience emotions that are too big to manage alone in their bodies, which is why the feelings come catapulting out of their bodies as difficult behaviors: hitting, throwing, flailing, and more.



When our kids hit or yell or say something nasty to a sibling, it&#8217;s not that our kids were considering the situation, assessing their options, and then acting out. These moments never stem from the logic system.



What&#8217;s happening then? Our children became overwhelmed by a big feeling, thought, urge, sensation, or fear&#8230; some internal experience. This experience just becomes too big to manage and it explodes out of their bodies as a behavior.



(And yes, if you&#8217;re wondering, this all applies to us adults as well.)



<h2 class="wp-block-heading">The problem with logic</h2>



We often have a mismatch as us parents use the logic system to respond: we explain, we lecture, we ask them why they did something, expecting an answer. This not only doesn&#8217;t help but it infuriates a child, because we are approaching regulation with logic. This doesn&#8217;t compute. It&#8217;s as if we are speaking another language.



Here&#8217;s a more general point: We overvalue logic. There&#8217;s a seeming intellectual superiority to logic over feeling, which is too bad given that our feelings happen first. We feel before we think. If anything should be getting our respect, it&#8217;s our feelings.



When your child acts out, notice your urge to use logic. Greet it (&#8220;Hello logic! Appreciate all your hard work&#8230; it&#8217;s just that you&#8217;re not useful at this moment.&#8221;) and then connect, empathize, and be curious. Aim to support your child, instead of solving the situation. Aim to connect, instead of being right.



If we cannot use logic through difficult moments, what can we do? Build regulation. 



<h2 class="wp-block-heading">How to build emotion regulation</h2>



To me, parenting is all about building our kids&#8217; capacity to regulate difficult emotions. We build regulation with two things: safety and goodness.



<ol class="wp-block-list">
<li>Establish safety</li>
</ol>



We must establish safety first. Removing a child who is throwing blocks from a block area isn’t a punishment or a consequence; we’re removing them for their own and everyone else’s safety. Our first and foremost job as a parent is to make sure our child is safe.



We establish safety when we assert our sturdy leadership, telling them, &#8220;My number one job is to keep you safe and right now safety means you and I together in a separate room.&#8221; We don&#8217;t need our child&#8217;s permission or approval and we should anticipate pushback and screaming. It&#8217;s critical to follow through to allow for the feelings of safety.



<ol class="wp-block-list" start="2">
<li>Find goodness</li>
</ol>



Next? Regulate yourself, find your goodness (&#8220;I am a good parent, my child&#8217;s behavior is not a measure of my parenting!&#8221;), and then show this goodness to your child.



Children respond to the versions of themselves we reflect back. Want your kid to act like a good kid? Treat him like one. Separate his behavior on the outside from who you see on the inside.



Tell your child: &#8220;I won&#8217;t let you throw blocks. I know that you were having a hard time. I care about that and I care about you.&#8221;



Our kids feel good inside when we stay with them when they&#8217;re upset. Sit with your child. Breathe. Stay.



The next day, after you&#8217;ve established safety and goodness, work on the skills your child is missing. Create a situation where you can &#8220;play around&#8221; with frustration. Practice breathing, self-talk, taking breaks. This is key for change.

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How to Handle Comparison and Build Confidence

You notice it in small moments: a favorite outfit that suddenly “doesn’t look good,” the constant scrolling, the quiet self-critical comment. Comparison has always been part of growing up, but in today’s world of social media, filters, and followers… there are simply more moments for kids to notice and compare.
This isn’t a flaw in your tween or teen. It’s developmental. Young people are wired to look around and ask, Where do I fit? Who am I becoming? So the goal isn’t to eliminate comparison. It’s to help our kids notice these thoughts &#8211; and get curious about them.
<h2>The big idea</h2>
Here’s a foundational idea: We want to teach our kids how to think, not what to think.
Teaching our kids what to think means trying to swap out a painful thought for a better one. While our reassurance, compliments, and corrections all come from love… it also limits our kids in the long-term.
Teaching our kids how to think means giving them a skill they can use on their own. They will learn to ask: Huh, where did that thought come from? Is that a fact or a feeling? Is there more to the story?
These questions create space between a thought &#8211; and a belief. And over time, that’s what builds real confidence: Learning to tune into and trust their own inner voice, even when outside voices get loud.
<h2>3 ways to help your kid handle comparison</h2>
Here are three everyday ways to get curious about comparison &#8211; and build your kid’s confidence.
<h3>1. Model realistic comparison</h3>
If you’re scrolling and see another family’s big celebration, vacation, or new house, say the comparison thought out loud:
<ul>
<li>“Wow, that kitchen is gorgeous! I’ve always wanted a bigger one.”</li>
<li>Pause.</li>
<li>Then say: “Hmm… I feel like I should want that. But does it actually matter to me? There are a lot of other things I care about more for our family.”</li>
</ul>
Then move on. Maybe it starts a conversation. Maybe your kid doesn’t respond at all. Either way, it matters. You’re showing them that comparison thoughts can come up &#8211; and that we can question it instead of automatically believing them.
<h3>2. Question trends and standards</h3>
Your kid tells you, “Everyone has this water bottle!” or shows you another trend they want to follow.
<ul>
<li>Instead of: “You have a perfectly good water bottle!”</li>
<li>Say: Huh… that trend makes it seem like there’s one ‘right’ thing to have. I wonder who decided that.”</li>
</ul>
You’re not arguing or dismissing their feelings. You’re helping them slow the thought down.
<h3>3. Separate achievement from identity</h3>
When your kid makes the team, gets an A, or comes in first &#8211; it’s natural to celebrate! And this is also true: There will be times they fall short of a goal or make mistakes.
In those moments, comparison can get loud: other kids are smarter, faster, better. You can balance these thoughts by focusing on effort, not outcomes.
<ul>
<li>After a success, you might say: “I’m so proud of how hard you work for the things you care about!”</li>
<li>After a disappointment, you might say: “It hurts to lose. I saw how you showed up for your teammates. That still matters.</li>
</ul>
You’re sending a powerful message: who you are is separate from what you do.
<h2>Remember this</h2>
We can’t control all the messages and information flooding our kids’ world. We can help them build the skills they need to feel confident in who they are and what they value. We can teach them how to think about the world through their own individual lens.

We don't need to get rid of comparison. We can teach kids to pause and get curious.

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3 Things to Say Instead of Commenting on a Kid’s Body

During puberty, it’s common for people to start commenting on kids’ bodies. Growth spurts, new styles, changing features &#8211; it’s natural to notice these changes! These comments almost always come from a place of love and excitement.
At the same time, even positive remarks about height, weight, or “looking so grown up” can make kids feel like they’re on display. The good news? There are so many other things we can say to kids during this stage that make a big difference in self-esteem and body image.
Here are three easy swaps instead of commenting on body changes.
<h2>1. Focus on choices, not changes</h2>
Commenting on style or accessories affirms a kid’s self-expression and creativity &#8211; rather than body changes that are out of their control.
Instead of: “You look so grown up in that outfit!” 
Say: “I love your style. How did you put that together?” or “Those shoes are cool.”
<h2>2. Ask about interests</h2>
Shift the focus from how they look to what they like right now. When you highlight a kid’s passions, you reinforce that who they are matters more than how they look.
Instead of: “You’re getting so tall!” 
Say: “You’re such a strong athlete! How did you feel about today’s game?” or “Tell me more about what you’re reading.”
<h2>3. Lead with your relationship</h2>
If it’s been a while since you saw a kid, focus the moment on your connection &#8211; not their appearance.
Instead of: “Oh my gosh, you were so little when I last saw you! You’re all grown up!” 
Say: “I’m so happy to see you! I can’t wait to hear what you’re into these days.”
<h2>What if someone else comments on your kid’s body?</h2>
You don’t have to make it awkward or confrontational. A simple redirect works:
<ul>
<li>“We’re focusing less on looks and more on interests these days. Anisha just started a new drawing class!”</li>
<li>“Yeah &#8211; Sam has great style, right? Tell us what you’ve been up to lately!”</li>
</ul>
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Your Teen's Phone Is Sabotaging Their Sleep. Here's What to Do

Sleep is the foundation of healthy teen development. One of the biggest threats to your teen’s sleep today? Screens. In fact, studies show nearly half of teens are on their phones between midnight and 4 a.m. Cue: exhausted mornings, grumpy moods, dropping grades, and mental health struggles.This isn’t because teens are lazy or irresponsible. Devices are designed to keep us hooked! And while it’s difficult for adults to put down our phones, it’s even harder for teens - whose brains are still developing impulse control and self-regulation skills.&nbsp;That’s why keeping devices out of your teen’s bedroom at night - from phones to tablets to laptops - is our #1 recommended screen time boundary. Whether you’re getting ahead of a problem or already in the thick of screen struggles, here’s our five-step guide to setting nighttime phone boundaries.<h2>1. Get on the same team</h2>Here’s a mindset shift: Screentime struggles aren’t about you vs. your teen. It’s about you and your teen vs. technology. This puts you on the same team against the problem, instead of against each other.Before talking to your teen, tell yourself: “I have a good kid having a hard time stepping away from a device that’s designed to keep them engaged. That makes sense.”<h2>2. Meet your teen where they are</h2>Instead of approaching phone boundaries as a lecture, invite your teen into a conversation. Our kids are much more likely to cooperate when they’re asked to be part of the solution, rather than just being told what to do (especially at this stage).&nbsp;If nighttime phone use isn’t a big problem yet, say…“I’ve been thinking a lot about sleep and phones lately. Honestly, it’s so hard for me to stop scrolling at night. Do you ever feel that way? I wonder… What do you think would make it easier to put our phones down? I have some ideas, I’d love to hear yours, too.”If nighttime phone use is a current problem, say…“Hey, I’ve noticed you’ve been having a hard time waking up in the morning. I’ve been letting you keep your phone in the bedroom, and that makes going to sleep even harder. I struggle to put my phone away at night, too! I wonder… What do you think would make it easier to get enough sleep? I have ideas, I’d love to hear yours, too.”<h2>3. State your boundary</h2>You might be surprised by the ideas your teen comes up with! And if they don’t have ideas right now? That’s okay, too. You know your most important boundary: No phone in the bedroom at night.Tell your teen clearly and firmly:“From now on, I’m going to charge your phone outside of the bedroom at night. This isn’t a punishment and it’s not because I don’t trust you. I just know how hard it is to put devices away and my job is to protect you - right now, that means protecting your sleep.”You might even set the same boundary for yourself:“And listen, everyone in our family is following this rule, too. My phone won’t charge next to my bed either.”P.S. This isn’t just about phones. It applies to any device your teen uses that might be a distraction at night.<h2>4. Validate feelings (without changing your mind)</h2>Is your teen going to respond, “Wow, thanks! You’re really looking out for me”? Absolutely not.And that’s okay. They might be upset. They might be frustrated. They might be angry. You can validate their feelings and hold your boundaries.You might say:<ul><li>“I get that this is a big shift."</li><li>“You’re allowed to be upset/frustrated/angry/etc.”</li><li>“You don’t have to like this rule, and it’s still the rule. I love you enough to make decisions you don’t approve of.”</li><li>“I hear that you’re upset. And I’m still going to protect your sleep.”</li></ul><h2>5. Put it in writing</h2>When it comes to screens - phones, laptops, tablets, gaming systems, and more - it helps to put your family rules in writing. Why? Because written expectations reduce ongoing negotiations and make it easier to stay on the same page.To make it as easy as possible, we created an example “contract” you can download to use with your teen.<a target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer" href="https://media.goodinside.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/06/08180638/GITeen_NighttimePhoneContract_v1.pdf">Download the contract.</a>Remember: This isn’t about perfection. It’s about working together to protect your teen’s growing brain and create healthier habits as a family. You can always agree to revisit the plan and adjust it as needed.

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