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Nanny Interview Questions: What to Ask Before You Hire a Caregiver

Unsure how to interview a nanny? Learn to ask situational questions that reveal a caregiver's true approach, set expectations, and find the perfect fit.

Dr Becky Kennedy

Dr Becky Kennedy, Clinical Psychologist

4 min read

couple talking to a woman with her back turned to the camera

Introduction

For the first time you leave your baby.

Two things are true. You want to leave your baby with someone wonderful. And leaving your baby - even with someone wonderful - is hard. Both can live in your body at once. 

Recently, for our first in a three episode series in partnership with Care.com called “In Good Hands,” I sat down with licensed therapist and perinatal mental health expert Kate Kirschner to talk about one of the most anxiety-filled moments of early parenthood: finding someone to care for your baby for the first time. And after previewing a few tips about how to interview a caregiver, we wanted to follow up with a resource to help parents with the interview process. So here it is!

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Before you start, one thing.

We wrote these to share some of what we looked for. But you know your family best. You know your values best. So if a green-flag answer doesn't land for you — skip it. Change it. Take what resonates and leave the rest. Trust yourself.

We're also skipping the basics.

Think of this process in two layers. First, there is the baseline stuff you’re probably already thinking about: pay, hours, availability, start dates, CPR training, whether they drive. You have those questions — or if you don’t, Care.com has you covered.

Here's the other stuff. The questions that tell you who someone actually is.

Pro tip: ask about situations, not values.

Anyone can say they “believe in comforting babies." Anyone can say they "validate feelings" - especially if they've read a parenting book. Values are easy to say out loud. What you want to know is what a person does in a specific situation.

Instead of asking questions like, "Would you comfort the baby if he’s upset?" … ask, "The baby's crying at the door as I leave - walk me through what you'd do."  And when an answer surprises you? That's not always a red flag. It's a great starting point for conversation, a chance to see how you do with a new perspective, or how the caregiver responds to a different approach.

Situation Questions - Examples

1. The moment you leave

Ask: "If I'm heading out and the baby starts crying and reaching for me, walk me through what you'd do after I leave."

(And remember: a baby crying when you leave isn't a sign something's wrong. It's healthy attachment! Your baby knows their person).

Green flag: They stay calm, name the feeling ("You're sad Mama left. I'm here. She always comes back."), and remain present through the cry instead of seeing the cry as a problem (“You’re fine, stop crying!”).

Worth a conversation: "I'd distract them so they forget about you" isn't a dealbreaker - sometimes distraction is great. But this may be a good time to assure your potential caregiver that you know your baby will be upset sometimes, and you don’t see that as the caregiver’s fault.

2. Feeding that goes sideways

Ask: "When the baby's supposed to eat and clamps their mouth shut or throws the food… what do you tend to do?"

Babies refuse food. The job of the adult is to offer, not to win.

Green flag: Stays neutral. No forcing, bribing, or turning it into a battle. Offers, trusts the baby's hunger, moves on - and tells you how it went. Says something like, “That happens all the time. That’s fine. Respect the cue, move on, come back later.”

Worth a conversation: Any hint of pressure or force-feeding is a chance to share how you handle meals.

3. A bump or a fall

Ask: "If the baby takes a little tumble and gets a bump, how do you handle that kind of thing?”

Accidents happen with every caregiver, including you. This one's really about honesty.

Green flag: Comforts the baby, stays calm, and tells you promptly and plainly - even the small stuff, even when it's not flattering.

Worth a conversation: If they'd smooth it over or minimize, or escalate beyond what seems appropriate, it’s useful to get a peak into what you can expect, and see if you can find a middle ground that feels good to both of you. 

4. Mistakes

Ask: "Tell me about a time something went wrong or you learned something the hard way with a baby. What did you do?"

Nobody's perfect. You're looking for someone who can own it without falling apart. Repair over perfection.

Green flag: A real moment, no blaming the child or the parents, and something they learned.

Worth a conversation: "Nothing's ever gone wrong" is worth a second look. Everyone has a story.

5. Feedback

Ask: "How have parents effectively communicated with you when they see something that they’d want done differently?”

This gets into the important stuff, setting expectations for a relationship where feedback is normal and not avoided.

Green flag: Tells you a story about a time they got feedback. Doesn’t seem offended by the question.

Worth a conversation: If they seem defensive or say that has never happened it’s useful to name that even with the “best” caregiver, you’ll have some moments you disagree, and that you value having those conversations.

6. When the baby is content

Ask: "When the baby's playing on their own, seems happy enough…What are you doing?"

This gives you a sense of a caregiver’s default in a quiet moment.

Green flag: Stays nearby and aware. Helps around the house with the tasks you’ve agreed on, like laundry, washing bottles, tidying the living room where they’ve been playing, etc. Lets the baby lead without hovering or disappearing.

Worth a conversation: If they say they would go over to baby to entertain them, it’s a great moment to share you might want them to help with things around the house or you prefer to allow your baby to have some independent play time! If they reference using the time to check their phone or turn on the TV, it’s an opportunity to talk through your thoughts on screens.

Expectations. How to talk about them.

It's okay to have expectations. Really.

What's not okay — for you or for them — is holding an expectation you never said out loud, then feeling resentful three weeks in. Or realizing four months in that it feels too awkward to bring up. Unspoken expectations don't disappear. They just turn into resentment.

So write yours down before day one. Naming them up front is a kindness. It gives someone a real chance to succeed. And before you make the list, ask yourself: What could genuinely lighten our load? What could help our household feel more held so we can be more present when we’re together?

A few people forget to name:

  • Fold and put away the baby's laundry
  • Wash and sterilize all bottles and feeding gear by end of day
  • Tidy the play space - leave it how you found it
  • Wash and put away all dishes used throughout the day
  • Keep stroller neat and clutter free
  • Text one photo mid-day (or don't! Say which you want)
  • Phone away during awake and play time
  • Prep tomorrow's bottles or food before leaving
  • Flag when supplies like wipes, formula, diapers are low
  • Any foods that are off limits or only in moderation
  • A daily walk or outside time, weather permitting
  • Shoes off, hands washed on arrival
  • The plan for sick days 
  • Stick to the nap schedule, even when it's inconvenient
  • No visitors in the home without checking first

These are just examples. Pick the ones that are real for you. The point is to say them out loud, early.

And you can share them before day one, in writing, with zero awkwardness:

"Hey - I realized I should let you know about a few things around the house I'm hoping for, just so we're on the same page from the start. Here are the four things, I can write them down too just so it’s easier not to forget… (name them).”

Plan to revisit the plan.

You do not have to know everything you need before day one. In fact, you probably won’t.

You may think you want to do bath every night, and then realize that after work what you really want is a slower bedtime ritual without rushing through logistics. You may think you do not want help with household tasks, and then realize that coming home to dishes and laundry makes it harder to be present. You may think you want the caregiver to leave the moment you walk in, and then realize that a 15-minute overlap helps everyone transition.

So in addition to writing down expectations, build in a check-in after 6 or 12 weeks. You can say: “Let’s both assume we’ll learn more once we’re actually living this, and let’s revisit what’s working and what needs to change.”

Yes, it's okay to ask. Here's how.

If any of these feel awkward, that's normal. Here's a way to say each one directly and kindly:

References. "Would you mind sharing the information for a family or two you’ve worked with that I could call? I'd love to hear how it went from their side."

Phone use. "One thing that matters to me: I'd love your phone to be mostly put away while she's awake, so you're fully with her. I obviously understand we all need to check in here and there, and I wanted to be upfront that I’m hoping for the default being having it away. Does that work for you?"

A trial day. "Before we lock anything in, could we do a paid trial day? I’m thinking it would help both of us see if it's the right fit."

What helps them reset. "Everyone hits a wall on a hard day. What helps you calm yourself when it’s one of those days?"

Following your way. "We do a few things a certain way in our house - I'll write them down. But also, if something's ever not working for you or you have a different way that feels more natural, I'd rather you tell me directly. That way we can just talk about it early.”

You're not being difficult. You're being the parent. Your baby is lucky to have you.

One last thing

After all the questions, notice how you feel in the room. Do you exhale a little? Do you like how they approach your baby, interact with your baby, talk to you?

Your gut has information the interview can't give you. It's not the only vote - warmth can grow, first impressions can miss - but it definitely counts.

And the first time you leave? You might cry in the car. That's not a sign you chose wrong. It's a sign you love your baby so much and this transition is hard. And it is.

Two things are true: your baby is in good hands, and it's okay for this to be hard.

You've got this.

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