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What to Do When Kids Face Friendship Problems

What’s a parent’s role in managing childhood friendships? Learn strategies for navigating peer pressure, bullying in children, and other common tricky friendship dynamics.

Dr Becky Kennedy

Dr Becky Kennedy, Clinical Psychologist

6 min read

What to Do When Kids Face Friendship Problems

Intro

Your child comes home from school in a puddle of tears and tells you, “My friends didn’t want to play with me today at recess.” Your heart sinks: It can feel painful, and even triggering, to hear about our kids’ tricky friendship dynamics. And if your first instinct is to fix the situation, you’re not alone. Maybe you have an urge to text the teacher, call another parent, or reassure your child, “Sweetie, I’m sure they’ll play with you tomorrow!”

Here’s the thing: Childhood friendships play a big part in the development of emotional intelligence in kids. It’s a part of how they learn to express their needs, navigate conflict, and build healthy relationships. As parents, it’s not our job to eliminate our kids’ social challenges or solve every struggle - because those struggles are how they learn.

So, what is our role when it comes to parenting and friendships? We’ve got you covered. 

At Good Inside, we know how tough our kids’ peer struggles can feel - and we know exactly what to do to get through it. Whether you’re navigating peer pressure, bullying in children, or the everyday ups and downs of managing childhood friendships, you deserve an approach that eases stress for both of you in the short-term - while building emotional intelligence in your kid for the long-term. Let’s get started.

The big idea: support, don’t solve

When kids come to us with tricky friendship dynamics, they’re rarely asking for answers. They’re asking for connection. The big idea: Our kids’ feelings need support - not solutions. 

Think of it this way: Picture your child sitting on a bench - it’s the “feelings bench” of peer rejection. Now, imagine the difference between yanking your child off of the bench (aka offering solutions) versus sitting down next to them (aka offering support). While yanking them off might seem helpful, it actually leaves kids feeling even more confused, ashamed, and dysregulated. Instead, sitting down next to them - listening, validating, and reminding them they’re not alone - gives them the confidence and space to eventually get off the bench on their own. 

This shift matters because childhood friendships are where kids build the emotional intelligence and social skills that will carry them into adulthood. When we resist the urge to fix and focus on connection, we teach our kids: Yes, this feels hard and you can cope with hard things.

5 common friendship issues for kids

Here are five common tricky friendship dynamics your child might experience: 

1. Feeling left out

Kids might come home and say, “No one ever plays with me!” Sometimes, this just represents a single tough day at recess. Other times, it can happen after a big change - like moving cities or starting at a new school. While feeling left out by peers is one of the most common kids’ social challenges, it’s also one of the most hurtful because humans inherently seek belonging! The best antidote is connection with you.

2. Rejecting others

You might hear your child say, “I don’t want Miguel over!” or “I’m not playing with her anymore.” Deep breath: This doesn’t mean you have a mean kid. It’s okay for our kids to like some kids better than others (yes, we said it!). After all, we want them to grow up into adults who can build meaningful relationships - and rejection is part of how kids learn to recognize why they connect with certain people over others. When rejection shows up, you can validate your kids’ feelings - while setting boundaries around how and when they express those feelings. 

3. Clinginess

Some kids follow one friend everywhere, latch onto peers who aren’t always kind, or struggle to join new groups. This clinginess can come from wanting to feel safe, included, or confident through connection with another child. It’s a common phase, especially when kids are still learning self-trust, and a sign to focus on building your child’s confidence. 

4. Being bullied

Bullying can range from subtle exclusion - like being told they can’t join a game - to overt name-calling or cruelty. For kids, the hardest part is often the aloneness of their experience: The feeling that no one is on their side can hurt even more than the mean words or actions themselves. That’s why feeling connected and seen by you is such a powerful first step. 

5. Bullying

But what if your child is the one doing the bullying? First: Remember that they’re a good kid having a hard time - not a bad kid doing bad things. All kids experiment with power and belonging - and, sometimes, this shows up as bullying in children (such as calling people names, excluding others, or lashing out during group play). These moments don’t define your child. They’re opportunities to understand what’s happening underneath the behavior - whether it’s insecurity, jealousy, or testing out power dynamics.

How to navigate kids’ social challenges

So, what can you actually do when your child comes to you with a friendship struggle? Here are three go-to strategies for managing childhood friendships:

1. Reflect on your own childhood

When your child shares a story about a tough friend experience, it often triggers our own insecurities - moments when we felt lonely, embarrassed, or insecure as a kid. Take a breath and notice: “What is my stuff? And what is my child’s stuff?” By separating the two, you give yourself space to respond thoughtfully, not reactively.

2. Remember friendships are complicated

Childhood friendships are not linear. Kids can be best friends one day and not speak the next. They can adore a playmate in kindergarten and drift apart by third grade. Throughout their lives, our kids are going to have a wide range of experiences and feelings in their friendships. Our goal is not to narrow their experiences and feelings - so that they only have “good” experiences - it’s to help them develop coping skills for the entire range. That’s what builds lasting, meaningful emotional intelligence and resilience. 

3. Support, don’t solve

Your child needs your presence, not your answers to their problems. Here are a few go-to phrases to help you validate and connect to their experience: 

  • “I’m so glad we’re talking about this.”
  • “I believe you.”
  • “Tell me more.”

Need More Support Managing Childhood Friendship Issues?

There’s so much more to say when it comes to parenting and friendships. What do you do if your child never gets invited to class birthday parties? How do you respond if your kid is the one being unkind? What about when peer pressure starts to show up?

You deserve support and practical strategies through every “What about when…?” moment. That’s exactly why we created Good Inside. As a member, you’ll get access to personalized daily support, a 24/7 parenting chatbot, a community of parents who get it, trained Good Inside coaches, a full library of resources, and so much more.

You don’t have to figure this out alone. We’re in this with you - through every age and stage of your parenting journey.

Frequently asked questions

Is it normal for my child to say they don’t have any friends?

Feeling left out is one of the most common kids’ social challenges. When your child says, “I don’t have any friends,” it might reflect one hard day at recess or a recent transition - like starting at a new school. Managing childhood friendships takes time, and going through this experience doesn’t mean your child will always struggle socially. With your support, your kid will learn resilience through these ups and downs.

How do I know if my child is being bullied?

Bullying in children can look like exclusion, teasing, name-calling, or ongoing unkind behavior. Warning signs may include your child refusing school, withdrawing from friends, or saying others don’t like them. Remember: The hardest part of bullying is often the aloneness kids feel. Bullying support for parents starts with connection - believing your child, helping them feel safe, and potentially partnering with their school for additional support. 


What if my child is the one being unkind or doing the bullying?

If your child is the one bullying, remember: They’re a good kid who’s having a hard time, not a bad kid doing bad things. When we approach these moments with curiosity - asking what feelings might be underneath the behavior - we model emotional intelligence and connection. Parenting and friendships go hand in hand, and these challenges are opportunities to guide your child toward healthier ways of expressing themselves or exploring power dynamics.


How can I help my child build healthy friendships long-term?

Helping kids with social skills is about more than arranging playdates. It’s about teaching flexibility, empathy, and confidence in who they are. When you focus on supporting your kid - through listening, validation, and boundaries - you help them develop resilience and emotional intelligence they’ll carry through to adulthood. Remember: Managing childhood friendships isn’t about avoiding every conflict. It’s about giving kids the tools to navigate tricky friendship dynamics now and in the future.


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