Self-Care Ideas and Tips for Moms

Dr Becky Kennedy, Clinical Psychologist

14 min read

Life as a parent of young kids is exhausting - from managing tantrums to cleaning up a messy home and taking care of your kids all day long, it can feel like you have no time or energy to take care of yourself. And yet this is also true: the best way to take care of your family is to make sure you are engaging in self-care. After all, self-care isn’t selfish; self-care is how you show up as the best version of yourself and how you show your kids that healthy relationships don’t have to mean self-sacrifice.

What is self-care

Self-care is the practice of honoring your own wants and needs and carving out time and space in your calendar for times when you’re not caregiving of others, but rather, are caregiving of yourself. The first step in practicing self-care is acknowledging that self-care is something you deserve.

If self-care is hard for you or if you struggle to feel like you deserve it, it’s likely that you’ve taken in the idea of “selfless parenting” - but remember, selfless parenting doesn’t help anyone, as kids need sturdy leaders, not selfless martyrs. You can think of self-care like any other muscle - there are ways to actively practice taking up space and prioritizing yourself, and each time you do, it’ll get easier.

Self-care isn’t selfish; self-care is self-sustaining. After all, no parent can be expected to take care of others if their tank is on empty all the time - when this happens, it’s no wonder parents become reactive, resentful, and angry. A lack of self-care is a prime reason for mom rage, stress, and burnout, as parents who don’t carve out for their own needs are chronically overwhelmed and on edge.

Parents who begin self-care routines start to recognize that self-care is the most powerful way to reduce yelling at their kids, feel closer to their kids, and start to enjoy more parenting moments. And self-care doesn’t have to be cumbersome or overwhelming - there are many manageable ways parents can incorporate self-care into their busy lives and make it part of their routine.

8 Self-care ideas for moms

1. Get physical

Before you worry about having to start some major workout routine, take a deep breath - because while intense workouts are an option for those who find them fulfilling, for the rest of us, you don’t have to commit to a big new exercise plan. Any body movement - especially if you can do it while you’re off of your phone! - will help you engage in self-care. Moving one’s body helps parents clear their head, organize their thoughts, and generate good feelings in the body. Stretching for 5 minutes, walking around your block for 10 minutes, and a light yoga class are three examples of ways to ease into a new physical self-care practice. If starting new routines is hard for you, commit to certain days and write them into your calendar: this might look like “Stretching from 10 - 10:05 am on Wednesdays''or “Walking outside at noon on Mondays'' - being specific and putting things into your calendar will make a new habit much easier to start. And remember, physical activity can often help parents become more aware of their emotional needs as well - and this is a huge benefit.

2. Journal your journey

Journaling is a tried-and-true self-care practice - and is much more than just jotting down their thoughts on paper. Journaling is a way of telling yourself, “I matter. My thoughts and feelings matter.” - and for many people, spending time writing things down that live in your head and your body helps them start to see themselves as valuable and worthy. Using prompts can help you get started - like, “What happened today” or “What am I feeling grateful for?” You can also use mantras as prompts, such as “I am worthy” or “I am allowed to have all of my feelings and thoughts.” With these prompts, journaling can help parents recognize their wants and needs - which is critical for self-care.

3. Pamper yourself

Traditional self-care recommendations include pedicures and baths - and many parents find that these activities actually don’t feel restorative. Here’s the insight that matters: self-care is only effective if it gives you the experience or set of feelings you’re looking for. So if feeling taken care of is something you feel is missing in your life, then pampering yourself may in fact be just what you need (whereas if feeling connected to other adults is what you feel is missing, pampering yourself won’t help!). Also, remember that pampering yourself isn’t limited to being in a spa - pampering yourself could mean enjoying quiet time before bed or throwing on a soft blanket and lighting a candle in your home. In addition to this form of self-care when you’re alone, self-care can also involve connecting with others and surrounding yourself with friends.

4. Reach out to friends

For lots of parents, a key form of self-care is reaching out to friends and finding opportunities to decompress, vent, gain perspective, and talk about non-child related topics. And if you feel guilty spending time with friends, remember this: Good parents spend time away from their kids. In fact, it’s important for kids to see that parents can take care of them AND take care of themselves - this helps kids see that parenthood doesn’t mean a loss of oneself. Plus, many parents find that talking openly with friends about the “selfless parenting” concept and their struggles around self-care leads to a deepening relationship with friends and feeling less alone and more supported. Remind yourself: “Two things are true, I’m a good parent and I like doing things for myself.” If stepping outside your family and prioritizing yourself is hard for you, it’s no wonder you feel on edge and reactive all the times and that you may have bouts of rage when it all feels too much - you’re still a good parent, you love your kids, and you can get the support you need to turn this cycle around.

Check out the Mom Rage Workshop - you’ll learn everything you need to know so you can honor your own needs and show up as a sturdier leader to your child.

5. Find a new—or tried and true—recipe

For many parents, cooking becomes a form of self-care - and we’re not talking about cooking meals for your kids! Cooking can be a way to nourish oneself and prioritize your own needs as you consider recipes from your past or as you make foods that taste delicious and soothing to you. Think about a favorite dessert, or a satisfying soup, or a breakfast item that would take a bit of time and care to make - after all, it’s the act of carving out time for something that brings you joy that will “count” self-care, as you will be essentially telling yourself that your wants and needs matter and deserve to be cared for.

6. Organize your time

Organization can be a form of self-care. After all, one of the hardest parts of parenting is keeping schedules and logistics and to-dos in your head - many parents find that keeping a planner, using a wall calendar, or downloading an app to keep track of everything not only makes their life easier but feels like a form of self-care because it relieves them of the sudden jolt of “Oh no did I do that?” stress. Plus, when parents feel more organized and less scattered, it’s easier to find time for self-care.

7. Schedule time with yourself

If you’re like most parents, you schedule lots of things for your kid -and then, at the end of the week, there’s no “time left-overs” for the things you might want to do for yourself. One way around this is to proactively schedule time for yourself into your calendar. There’s no right “amount of time” that needs to be carved out - so pick something that is manageable and doable to you. It could be 10 minutes that says “Take a walk” or 15 minutes that says “Drink my coffee while sitting down.” Putting self-care on the calendar helps parents treat it like any other important appointment - and helps you say no to requests that come your way.

8. Ask for help

Another powerful form of self-care is reaching out to others for help. Many parents say that feeling “guilty” stops them from asking for help, but this uncomfortable feeling likely isn’t guilt - after all, guilt is a feeling we have when we act out of alignment with our values, and most of us do value getting support. This is why it’s critical to differentiate guilt from “not guilt.” It’s likely that this feeling is “not guilt” which is a tendency we have to take on the distress of other people (i.e., we worry someone will feel annoyed and we take on that feeling). Remember that your needs are valid. It's okay if other people may feel inconvenienced when you ask for help.

Self-care doesn’t have to be overwhelming, and overtime it will become much less uncomfortable and anxiety-producing - especially if you have the right resources to find an approach to self-care that works for you and if you build up coping skills to manage the discomfort that comes along the way.

Practice self-care with the help of Good Inside

Parenting doesn't have to mean sacrificing your own identity or your own wants and needs - in fact, our kids need us to show up as sturdy leaders, and sturdy leaders take self-care very seriously. It’s okay if you think, “But how do I start?” or “I would feel so guilty!” everytime you think about self-care. Use a mantra to manage that guilt and remember that you can tolerate your discomfort while you prioritize taking care of yourself. You’re in the perfect place to get resources and support so that self-care becomes more second-nature.

Want to turn your knowledge into action and get a step-by-step plan to take care of yourself while taking care of your kids? In our Mom Rage course, you’ll learn everything you need to know so you can honor your own needs and show up as a sturdier leader to your child. At Good Inside, we know that when parents have the resources and support they deserve, parenting becomes manageable - and even enjoyable and empowering. You deserve this.

Good Inside is the only parenting approach that values the parent behind the parenting - meaning you! You matter, and as you’ll start to see that the best way to get the best out of your children is actually to become the best version of yourself - and that starts with self-care and self-awareness. None of this has to be daunting, and we promise it won’t - at Good Inside, we know the exact manageable steps to get you to where you want to be.

Intro
What is self-care
8 Self-care ideas for moms
1. Get physical
2. Journal your journey
3. Pamper yourself
4. Reach out to friends
5. Find a new—or tried and true—recipe
6. Organize your time
7. Schedule time with yourself
8. Ask for help
Practice self-care with the help of Good Inside

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