View All Articles

What to Say When Kids Ask “Is Santa Real?”

Questions about Santa can feel bittersweet and unexpectedly high-stakes. Here’s how to respond to your kid with confidence.

Dr Becky Kennedy

Dr Becky Kennedy, Clinical Psychologist

7 min read

What to Say When Kids Ask “Is Santa Real?”

Intro

One day you’re hanging stockings and putting up lights, and the next day your kid hits you with: “Is Santa real?”

Maybe they say it with a twinge of hope. Or a sideways look that tells you they’re already suspicious. And even though parents expect this moment to come one day, it can catch us off guard - and bring up a lot of other questions: What does it mean to tell the “truth” about Santa? How do I keep the holiday magic alive? And wait… is my little kid really growing up this fast?

You’re not alone if figuring out what to do when a child asks if Santa is real feels bittersweet - and unexpectedly high-stakes. That’s where Good Inside comes in.

At Good Inside, we understand there’s more to your child’s question about Santa than a simple “yes” or “no.” In this article, we’ll explain what kids are really asking - and give you scripts to respond to “Is Santa real?” with confidence. The best part? This isn’t just about Santa Claus. Our approach applies to all kinds of childhood myths and characters - from the easter bunny to the tooth fairy and more.

What to do when kids ask, “Is Santa real?”

One of our core beliefs at Good Inside is that we have to understand before we intervene. So first thing’s first: What’s really going on when a child asks if Santa is real? 

Santa is one of the few times in a kid’s life when adults fully join them in fantasy, play, and imagination. This helps us understand why the Santa story feels so enchanting - and why finding out the “truth” can feel so upsetting. It’s not about losing Santa. It’s about losing a connection to a caregiver through the Santa story.  

Something else to know: Kids only ask questions about topics they’re already considering. So when a child asks, “Is Santa real?”, it tells you that they’re likely already trying to make sense of the story and ready for a conversation - even if they’re not ready to let go of the magic just yet.  

Understanding what’s happening for your child is step one. Step two is understanding what’s happening for yourself. Before you find a response to ‘is Santa real,’ reflect on what it brings up for you as a parent: 

What was your relationship to Santa growing up?

Was Santa a big part of your childhood? How did you experience it? What did it feel like when you found out Santa wasn’t “real”?

How did your family value play and imagination?

How did your family talk about Santa or other mythical figures? Did your caregivers play with you? What was your relationship to imagination and magic?

How does Santa relate to “goodness”?

What does Santa represent for you: magic or a way to manage behavior? Is “naughty and nice” a part of the Santa story for you or your child?

3 scripts to respond to “Is Santa real?”

After understanding what this question means for your child and for you, you’re in a much better place to respond. The “right” response is the response that helps you stay connected to your kid and grounded in your values.

Here are three simple scripts you can lean on - depending on what feels right for your family.

Script 1: Wonder with your child

“Hmm…seems like you’ve been thinking hard about Santa. What do you think?”

This validates your child’s curiosity and creates space to explore what’s on their mind underneath the question. 

Script 2: Get curious about what “real” means 

“Real… well, what do you mean by real? Real in that Santa makes Christmas feel fun and magical and special? Real as in ‘There’s one person who lives in the North Pole and delivers presents’? Or real as in a story that we love and want to believe in?” 

This opens up a conversation instead of giving a quick “yes” or “no” - and helps your child figure out what “real” means to them. 

Script 3: Make room for honesty

“Anytime you ask me a question, I will do my best to give you a truthful answer. Before I answer, I want to make sure that’s what you want from me right now.”

Some kids might say, “Yes, tell me!” while others will say they want to talk about it later - which is their way of sharing that they’re not quite ready for the truth yet.

Want to dive deeper? Listen to our podcast about the power of make-believe - and the difference between imagination and lies.

How to manage other tricky Santa situations

The Santa myth can bring up lots of other tricky situations, whether within a nuclear family, an extended family, or a community. A few more questions that you might face are…

“Do you believe in Santa?”

This is a common one. Your kid is asking: “Can I believe in Santa even if you don’t?” You can share that your beliefs are not the only answer, they’re just yours:

“It’s tricky. I love the magic and story of Santa, and I believe those feelings are real. And I don’t believe that Santa as a person is real. Everyone gets to choose what they believe in.” 

“So who delivered all those presents?”

In this case, your kid is trying to figure out what’s going on (and more practically, if losing Santa means losing presents). You can validate the curiosity and say:

“I did, sweetie, I love to give you presents.” 

“Does my sister, brother, or friend know that Santa isn’t real?”

Within a family, you can connect with your child who does know the truth around helping them not “ruin it” for their sibling. For example:

“One of my favorite things about our family is that we allow ourselves to have our own beliefs. I’m thinking about your sister. She still has fun believing in Santa. Hmm… tricky. What do you think we should do?” 

Collaborating with your child about solutions will help them feel connected to you through play and imagination - only now, it’s about creating holiday magic for their friends or siblings. 

3 key takeaways on Santa

We’ve covered a lot of information on how to handle the nuances of Santa. Let’s ground ourselves in three key takeaways: 

  • Kids are enchanted by Santa because it’s one of the few times where adults join them in play and imagination.
  • You don’t have to answer “Is Santa real?” with “yes” or “no.” You can wonder with your child and let them lead the way toward the answer they want. 
  • The Santa conversation is really a connection conversation. However you answer, what matters most is that your child feels safe coming to you with big questions.


Ready for more support? Good Inside is here to help.

There are many more tricky situations that can arise around the holidays and Santa. Some kids are scared of Santa; others will ask pointed questions like “Why did you lie to me?” when they find out the truth. You may wonder how to handle your child’s request for an Elf on the Shelf - or how to respond when your kid sees Santa bring their friends more expensive gifts than the ones they got, or panic about whether or not to let your kid sit on Santa’s lap. 

You deserve support and practical strategies through every moment. That’s exactly why we created Good Inside Membership. As a member, you’ll get exclusive access to:

  • Daily, personalized scripts and strategies focused on your kid’s age and stage.
  • GiGi, our trained Good Inside chatbot, for 24/7 answers on whatever is going on in your home during the holiday season.
  • A private online community to connect with parents who get it.
  • Parent support sessions led by trained Good Inside Coaches.
  • A library of scripts, strategies, and videos about the holidays.
  • Plus so much more!

Frequently asked questions

Am I lying if I tell my kid Santa is real?

There is a world between lying and the truth: play. Play is how kids learn about the world and make sense of what’s happening around them - and playing with your kids supports their healthy development! While there are always exceptions, if your child is interested in the make-believe story, give yourself full permission to enter into the story with them. 

What’s the best response to “Is Santa real?”

The best response will be different for everyone, but consider opening up the conversation by wondering with your child: “Hmm… seems like you’ve been thinking about Santa. What do you think?”

What if my kid gets upset and says I lied to them?

When kids are upset about the truth, it’s often not about losing Santa. It’s about losing a connection to you through the Santa story. Respond by validating their feelings, saying, “It sounds like you wish you’d known the difference between the magic and the reality sooner. I hear that.”

How do I keep the holiday magical once my child knows the truth?

You can work as a team with your child on this. You might say “How can we together keep the magic alive? What might we do over the next couple of weeks to make Christmas feel special?” 

Become the parent you want to be

Workshops for Every Problem

Most people come to us because there is a “fire” in their home. Our workshops are designed to contain that fire. And they work – every single time.

Strategies & Scripts for Every Situation
An Actual Parenting Village
Live Events with Dr. Becky, Experts, and Coaches
Become a member