View All Articles

Executive Functioning in Kids: Why They Struggle and How to Help

Kids with executive dysfunction aren’t lazy or bad. Learn why children struggle with executive function skills like focus and time management - and what to do about it.

Dr Becky Kennedy

Dr Becky Kennedy, Clinical Psychologist

6 min read

Executive Functioning in Kids: Why They Struggle and How to Help

Intro

This article was written in partnership with clinical psychologist and Good Inside member Dr. Alex Reed, who specializes in evaluating neurodevelopment and supporting executive functioning in kids and teens.

How many times have you told your kid to put on shoes, only to find them 10 minutes later - still barefoot? Do they go from zero to 60 when they are told “no”? Does your child put off homework until the last minute… and then beg for your help?

You’re not alone if you’ve found yourself wondering: Why are they so lazy? or My kid is a mess! What am I doing wrong? 

The truth: Your child isn’t careless, lazy, or bad - and you’re not failing. They’re a good kid having a hard time with executive functioning - sometimes called executive dysfunction - and you both deserve support.

That’s where Good Inside comes in. Our approach supporting executive function in kids will not only transform behavior today - it will also help your child grow into a confident, capable, and resilient adult.

What is executive functioning?

Executive functioning refers to a set of cognitive skills that help us plan, respond, and regulate. Think of these skills as the brain’s “control panel” - an essential system that manages our impulses and emotions in daily life. 

8 executive function skills every child needs

  1. Flexible thinking to adapt when things don’t go to plan.
  2. Working memory to mentally hold and use information.
  3. Self-monitoring to evaluate and adjust behavior
  4. Planning and organizing to define steps toward a goal, and keep track of resources and responsibilities along the way
  5. Task initiation to get started (especially when the task is boring or complex)
  6. Inhibition to pause and think before acting or reacting.
  7. Emotional regulation to recognize, manage, and express big feelings. 
  8. Focus to prioritize and sustain attention.

What do executive function issues look like?

Executive dysfunction shows up in small, everyday moments that can feel endlessly frustrating to parents. If your kid goes from 0-60 when plans change (like when soccer practice is cancelled), leaves a trail of belongings wherever they go, or struggles to wait their turn in games, they might benefit from executive function support. 

Why do kids struggle with executive functioning?

One of our core beliefs at Good Inside is that we have to understand before we intervene effectively. So, what’s really going on underneath your kid’s executive dysfunction? Here are three big reasons:

1. Executive function skills develop slowly

Kids aren’t born with these skills. They develop bit by bit. In fact, the part of the brain in charge - the prefrontal cortex - doesn’t fully develop until our mid 20s! How do you know if your child’s struggles are developmentally appropriate - or a sign they need more support? Here’s what parents can usually expect at different stages:

  • Preschoolers are just starting out. They can follow simple directions (“Grab your shoes!”), but multi-step processes and small changes in routine are hard to handle. Major meltdowns are normal - and even healthy - at this stage!
  • Elementary kids are ready for more responsibility - things like remembering their backpack or setting the table - but they still need reminders and supervision. Blurting out answers, interrupting, or losing track of items are common struggles.
  • Tweens and teens show exciting bursts of independence, like managing homework on their own, keeping up with schedules, and making social plans. But their skills are still developing, which means risk-taking and roller-coaster emotions are par for the course. 

💡 KEY IDEA: Two things can be true - your kid’s executive function challenges are frustrating and they might also be age-appropriate.

2. We have to teach kids these skills

While certain skills are connected to certain ages, they don’t develop in a vacuum. Flexible thinking, inhibition, and emotional regulation for kids need to be taught- just like we teach kids how to read or swim.

And some kids - especially neurodivergent kids - need more support in building these skills than others because of their brain structure, function, and development. 

💡 KEY IDEA: Your kid’s executive function issues aren’t a sign of who they are - it’s a sign of where they need support. 

Looking to dive deeper? Listen to our podcast on The Overlap Between ADHD, Neurodivergence, and Deeply Feeling Kids.

3. The digital age makes learning these skills harder.

Our kids are growing up surrounded by constant stimulation, instant answers, endless scrolling, and screens that deliver fast, easy “dopamine hits” - and there’s growing research that all of this negatively impacts executive function development. Kids are getting less practice waiting, tolerating frustration, and pushing through boring or difficult tasks than previous generations. 

This doesn’t mean our kids are doomed! It does mean we have to be intentional as parents - and as a society - about helping them develop these critical skills. 

💡 KEY IDEA: In a fast-and-easy digital world, kids need more support strengthening their executive function skills

How to improve executive function skills in kids

If you’re like most parents, you’ve tried time-outs and grounding. You’ve used sticker charts and praise… only for your kid to keep engaging in the same frustrating behaviors.

The good news: Punishments and rewards aren’t the only option. There’s another, more effective way.  

The Good Inside approach to executive functioning

We have tons of concrete, practical tips and tools for improving specific executive functioning skills (like focus or emotional regulation for kids). But first, you need guiding principles: big-picture, reliable strategies you can use and come back to no matter what skill your child is building. 

Here are three guiding principles to supporting executive function in kids:

1. Connect, don’t criticize

When kids feel criticized by us, they shut down. When they feel connected to us, they can learn and grow. Connection starts by validating the struggle underneath the difficult behavior. 

💬 INSTEAD OF: “You still haven’t started? What have you been doing all afternoon?”

💬 SAY THIS: “You’re a good kid having a hard time getting started.”

2. Adopt a same-team mindset 

There are two ways to approach executive dysfunction: You vs. your kid OR you and your kid vs. the problem. The latter puts you on the same team - which creates a more supportive, collaborative environment for solving challenges. 

💬 INSTEAD OF: “This is your last reminder. If you don’t start your homework now, no TV for the rest of the week.”

💬 SAY THIS: “Let’s figure this out together. What’s the easiest first step you can take?”

3. Start small, start strong

It’s tempting to want to “fix everything at once.” And this is also true: The most meaningful change starts small. Focus on one or two key areas, such as teaching planning skills or managing impulsivity in children. Quick wins will build confidence and make it easier for your kid (and you) to keep going. 

💬 INSTEAD OF: “You need to get your act together and stay on top of everything.”

💬 SAY THIS: “This week, let’s just practice one thing: Setting a three-minute timer to get started.”

3 key takeaways on executive functioning

Okay, we covered a lot of information about executive function. New ideas can feel exciting… and they can also feel overwhelming! Here are three big things to remember: 

  • Your kid isn’t lazy, careless, or bad. Executive function issues are skills gaps, not character flaws. 
  • Kids struggle with executive functioning for different reasons - development, brain wiring, and today’s digital world all play a role.
  • Your job is to help your kid build the executive function skills they’re missing, not punish them for not knowing yet.

Ready for more support? Good Inside is here to help.

Want to know exactly how to put our approach into practice? Looking for specific executive function activities, scripts, and strategies to improve task initiation or develop self-regulation in children? That’s exactly why we created Good Inside Membership. 

As a member, you’ll get exclusive access to:

  • Daily, personalized scripts and strategies focused on your kid’s age and stage.
  • GiGi, the Good Inside chatbot, for 24/7 answers on whatever is going on in your home.
  • A private online community to connect with parents who get it in rooms dedicated to Neurodivergent Kids, School, and more.
  • Parent support sessions led by trained Good Inside Coaches.
  • A library of scripts, strategies, and videos on all kinds of school challenges.
  • Plus so much more!


Frequently asked questions

What are executive function skills in children?

Executive functioning refers to eight core cognitive skills that help kids plan, respond, and regulate. These skills include 1) flexible thinking, 2) emotional regulation, 3) working memory, 4) self-monitoring, 5) task initiation, 6) planning and organizing, 7) inhibition, and 8) focus. You can think of executive function skills as the brain’s “control panel” managing day-to-day impulses and emotions. 


How do I know if my child has executive function issues?

Executive dysfunction can look like a messy backpack, constant reminders to get ready, big reactions when routines change, or difficulty starting homework. Many of these challenges are age-appropriate - since executive functioning develops slowly into adulthood. If your child’s struggles feel frequent, intense, or impact daily life, it may be time to seek additional support for building their executive function skills.


Why does my child melt down over small things?

Big reactions often come from struggles with emotional regulation for kids, which is one of the key executive function skills. When a kid’s “control center” is still developing, changes in plans or frustrating tasks can feel overwhelming. Supporting this executive functioning skill will help kids learn to pause, manage big feelings, and build resilience over time.

What’s the best way to help my child with executive functioning?

You can support executive functioning in kids by teaching planning skills step by step, practicing emotional regulation strategies, and building routines that reduce overwhelm. Connection and teamwork (“we’re in this together”) help kids feel safe enough to practice and grow. Your child isn’t lazy, bad, out of control, or careless - executive function issues are a sign of skill gaps, not personality flaws.


Become the parent you want to be

Workshops for Every Problem

Most people come to us because there is a “fire” in their home. Our workshops are designed to contain that fire. And they work – every single time.

Strategies & Scripts for Every Situation
An Actual Parenting Village
Live Events with Dr. Becky, Experts, and Coaches
Become a member