When you’re dealing with explosive behavior, it makes sense if you feel frustrated, angry, or confused. These moments can feel scary and shocking. You might think they’re being manipulative, attention-seeking, or defiant - or even wonder, “Do I have a bad kid?”
Here’s what’s really going on: Your child’s brain and body is overwhelmed. And when kids don’t have the skills or capacity to regulate how they’re feeling, those feelings come out as behaviors. (Let’s be honest - the same is true for adults!) These explosive moments are actually a sign that your child is struggling.
The key idea: You have a good kid having a hard time, not a bad kid doing bad things. Here are some common struggles that lead to explosive behavior:
Emotional overwhelm
Kids are born with all of the feelings… and none of the skills to manage those feelings. In other words, your child is still building the skills they need to recognize, manage, and communicate emotions like disappointment and sadness - which is why those feelings can come out as hits, kicks, bites, screams, and more. The good news? Your child can build these skills over time - and there are many ways to strengthen kids’ ability to understand and regulate emotions.
Physiological or sensory triggers
Sometimes, explosive behavior isn’t necessarily about a big feeling. It’s about big sensations. When a child is taking in lots of sensations - like loud sounds, bright lights, or big crowds - their brain can become “overstimulated.” In this mode, a child’s ability to think clearly decreases and reactivity increases (cue: hits, screams, kicks). While you know your child isn’t in a life-and-death situation, their brain doesn’t.
Environmental and life stressors
Kids rely on routine and familiarity to feel safe, which is why even small changes - like a different color cup - can throw them off. Bigger shifts, such as moving, changing schools, or welcoming a new sibling, can disrupt their sense of safety even more. When a child’s world feels unpredictable, explosive behavior is often their way of saying, “Something feels wrong, and I don’t know how to explain it yet.”
Need for additional support
Explosive behavior can be part of healthy development, especially in younger children. However, if explosive behavior is frequent, dangerous, or interferes with your child’s daily functioning as they get older, consult a pediatrician, child therapist, or other professional for support. They can help you determine if factors like anxiety, executive dysfunction, or neurodevelopmental differences are playing a role in your child’s behavior and guide you through next steps.
Your child may also benefit from a different parenting approach. Good Inside’s method for Deeply Feeling Kids® (DFKs) is specifically designed for kids who feel things more intensely, escalate quickly, and struggle to calm down. DFK is not a diagnosis, it’s a way of better understanding and responding to your child.
