How to Help Your Child Sleep Through the Night
Struggling with traditional sleep training methods? Discover an expert-backed approach that will finally give your child (and you) a full night’s rest.
Intro
If you’re in the thick of sleep struggles right now - if your toddler is fighting bedtime, your kid is still coming into your room, or every night feels like a battle over one more book - you’re not alone. Maybe you’ve tried traditional sleep training approaches like sticker charts, crying-it-out, or locking the door to no avail. Well, good news: There’s another way.
At Good Inside, we understand how exhausting it can be when your kid isn’t sleeping - and we know how to help you both get a full night’s rest. Our breakthrough approach to sleep is rooted in safety and connection - not fear - to help your toddler or kid finally fall asleep independently.
What is sleep training?
Sleep training typically refers to a range of strategies used to help babies and young kids learn to fall asleep and stay asleep on their own. Traditional approaches often include behavioral interventions like letting a child "cry it out," using sticker charts, locking a child’s bedroom door, or gradually withdrawing parental presence.
At Good Inside, we solve sleep issues through a different lens: Sleeping independently doesn’t come from “training” our kids’ behaviors. It comes from teaching our kids new skills. The best part? Our alternative to sleep training will not only help your child start to sleep now, it will also build life-long skills - like emotional regulation, resilience, and confidence.
Why do kids struggle with sleep?
One of our core beliefs at Good Inside is that we have to understand before we intervene. So, what’s really going on when our kids are struggling to sleep?
The truth is sleep struggles are actually separation struggles.
Let us explain. Kids are evolutionarily wired to stay attached to their caregivers for safety. Then, at night, we ask them to separate from us for 10-12 hours… in the dark… alone. When your toddler fights bedtime or your kid climbs into your bed at 2 AM, it’s not because they’re being manipulative or defiant. It’s because they’re looking to re-establish safety by being (literally) close to you.
The inconvenient truth is that parents and kids have opposite needs at night: We’re craving separation and alone time and they want closeness. Once we understand this tension, our mindset around sleep struggles can start to shift. Instead of worrying, “What’s wrong with my kid?”, we can say to ourselves: “Okay, my kid is having a hard time, not giving me a hard time. How can I help them build the skills they need to tolerate separation at night?”
4 common sleep challenges for kids
Children’s difficulty with separation at night can show up in different ways at different stages of development. Here are four common sleep struggles for toddlers and children, and how to better understand what’s happening for your child:
1. Bedtime battles.
When your kid protests at bedtime—begging for “one more book” or “three more hugs”—remember that they are really trying to delay separating from you. In these moments, it’s important to maintain consistent bedtime routines. A consistent routine will help your child prepare for separation and build skills to manage the discomfort of being away from you.
2. Sleep regression.
If your child was sleeping well and recently started waking up frequently or resisting bedtime, they may be experiencing a “sleep regression.” Regression often happens during big developmental leaps—like learning to walk or talk—or after changes in routine, like dropping a nap or starting daycare. Regression doesn’t mean that anything is wrong with your kid (or that this phase will last forever!); it means they need extra support and closeness right now as they adapt to change. Think of sleep regression as a signal, not a setback.
3. Nighttime fears.
It’s common for toddlers and young kids to feel more anxious at night—after all, it’s dark, quiet, and they’re all alone! While many well-intentioned resources focus on solving kids’ fears (“It’s okay, there’s no monster under the bed!”), this can actually backfire and escalate a child’s anxiety - because it leaves them feeling alone and confused! We have a different approach: Instead of “solving” your kid’s worries for them, our strategies help kids build the skills to cope with their worries - setting the stage for long-term resilience.
4. Middle-of-the-night wake-ups.
When kids wake up at 2 AM, dysregulated and alone, their attachment system gets activated: “Where’s my parent? Am I safe?” Their bodies are wired to be close to you for survival, which is why they come looking for you - to restore connection, not to break the rules. In these moments, your calm, sturdy presence helps them re-regulate. The goal is to help them internalize this sense of safety, so they can learn to self-soothe and regulate themselves.
#1 strategy for independent sleep
Now that we’ve established what’s going on for kids during the sleep process, let’s talk about interventions. So, what can you do to help your toddler or kid fall asleep independently? Here’s one of our go-to strategies.
A bedtime mantra
At night, kids are tired and experiencing intense separation anxiety - not ideal conditions for learning. That’s why we need to practice separation skills during the day, so our kids feel ready to use them at night - such as introducing a bedtime mantra.
Mantras help calm anxiety by giving a child a soothing, rhythmic phrase to focus on. You can introduce the mantra to your child by turning it into a story about your own childhood: “When I was little, my dad taught me a mantra. It helped me feel safe and connected to him right before bed, maybe it’s something we could try, too. Repeat after me: [Child’s name] is safe, Mommy is near, my bed is cozy.”
We’ve got so many more sleep strategies and scripts for you and your child. Explore our Independent Sleep Workshop to learn how Good Inside can eliminate sleep struggles in your home.
3 Key Takeaways on Sleep Training
Okay, we covered a lot of information about how to get toddlers and kids to sleep. New ideas can feel exciting… and they can also feel overwhelming! So, let’s ground ourselves in three key takeaways:
- Sleeping independently doesn’t come from “training” our kids’ behaviors. It comes from teaching our kids new skills.
- Sleep struggles are separation struggles. Your kid isn’t being manipulative or misbehaving, they are expressing a developmentally appropriate need for connection.
- We have to build up our child’s skills and sense of safety during the day, so they feel prepared to separate from us at night.
Most importantly, remember this: You just took time out of your (very!) busy schedule to learn a new approach to sleep training. That’s amazing, and your kid is so lucky to have you as their parent.
Need more support? Good Inside can help
There’s so much more to say when it comes to sleep struggles. How do you explain bedtime routine changes? Or what can you do if your kids share a room and regularly keep each other up?
You deserve support and practical strategies through every “What about when…?” moment. And that’s exactly why we created Good Inside. Explore our Independent Sleep Workshop to find everything you need to finally get a full night’s rest.
Plus, when you join Good Inside Membership, you’ll get access to our entire suite of parenting resources. Our mission is to help parents like you through every age and stage of your child’s life: From listening to defiance to screentime struggles, we’ll help you solve current challenges and get ahead of future ones.
Frequently asked questions
What is an alternative to sleep training?
Traditional sleep training often relies on techniques like “cry it out” or sticker charts. But if that hasn’t worked for your family - or just doesn’t feel right - there’s another way. At Good Inside, we take a skill-building approach rooted in connection and safety. Instead of trying to train your child to sleep, we help you teach them the coping skills they need to separate at night.
Why does my toddler fight bedtime every night?
If your child begs for another book, another hug, or just won’t settle at bedtime, it’s not because they’re being defiant - it’s because they’re having a hard time separating from you. Bedtime battles are often about separation anxiety, not misbehavior. The key is to stay consistent with your routine and offer comfort without negotiating your boundaries.
Is sleep regression normal in toddlers?
Yes! Sleep regression is a completely normal (and, thankfully, temporary!) part of a child’s development. It often happens during big milestones like walking, talking, or starting daycare. It’s not a setback - it’s a signal that your child needs extra support, structure, and closeness as they adjust to change.
What’s the best way to teach my child to fall asleep independently?
Here’s a key idea: Sleep struggles are actually separation struggles. That’s why the most effective way to help your child sleep on their own at night is to build up their sense of safety and connection during the day. One helpful tool? A bedtime mantra. Try a soothing phrase like: “[Child’s name] is safe, Mommy is near, my bed is cozy.” Practicing separation skills before bedtime helps kids feel more confident when the time comes to go to sleep.
