View All Articles

How to Stop Yelling at Your Kids

Struggling to manage anger with your kids? You’re not alone - and you’re not a bad parent. Here’s how to reconnect with your kid and break the cycle of yelling before it starts.

Dr Becky Kennedy

Dr Becky Kennedy, Clinical Psychologist

5 min read

How to Stop Yelling at Your Kids

It’s 7:46 a.m., the bus is honking outside, and your kid is flat-out refusing to put on their shoes. You already ran out of coffee… and now, you’re running out of patience. You snap, “SHOES! NOW!” And, instantly, the guilt comes flooding in: Why can’t I keep it together? How do I stop yelling at my kid? Have I messed them up forever?

If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone - and you’re not a bad parent. You’re a good parent at the end of their rope. And while there’s no such thing as parenting without yelling ever again - we’re only human, after all - there are ways to reconnect after you yell and show up as a calmer parent in tense moments. 

That’s where Good Inside comes in. No shame, no judgment - just practical tools and support for real-life parenting moments. We get why parents yell at kids and we’ll help you break the cycle of yelling - all while building a stronger parent-child relationship in the process. Ready? Let’s dive in.

Why do parents yell at kids?

One of our core beliefs at Good Inside is that we have to understand before we intervene. So, what’s really going on when a parent yells?

When you raise your voice, it’s not a sign that you’ve failed - it’s a sign that something inside of you needs attention. And, usually, it’s a perfect storm of a few different things:

Yelling = unmet needs + nervous system overload + disconnection

Let’s dig deeper into these three reasons why parents yell at kids.

1. Unmet needs

As parents, we’re conditioned to put our needs last - scarfing down our kids’ cold oatmeal for breakfast or heading to work on two hours of sleep. Here’s the thing: Our needs don’t disappear when we ignore them. Instead, they pile up - increasing cortisol (the stress hormone) and decreasing our level of stress tolerance. By the time your child refuses to put on shoes, your system is already depleted. 

Key idea: Yelling at kids is often your body’s way of saying, “Hey! I’m running on empty here! I need sleep, food, a moment alone!”

2. Nervous system overload

Now, add the stimulation of parenting to the mix: crying kids, buzzing phones, crowded playgrounds, constant touch. These sensations don’t just clutter our minds - they shift our nervous systems into fight, flight, or freeze mode. Ever wonder why you can handle a tantrum one day, and then a spilled water cup sends you over the edge the next? It’s not about the tantrum or the cup - it’s about your capacity to process one more overwhelming moment. 

Key idea: Yelling at kids can also be your body’s way of saying, “I’m overloaded, I can’t take in anything else!”

3. Disconnection

Disconnection is when you’re right next to someone you love - your kid, your partner, a friend - but you’re not really with them. Maybe your mind is focused on your to-do list, a work project, or the latest news headline. Humans are wired for connection: When we feel bonded, our bodies release safety signals that calm us down. But when we feel disconnected, our bodies release danger signals - and every interaction can start to feel like a power struggle. 

Key idea: Yelling at kids is another way of saying, “We’ve lost touch. We need to reconnect.”

How to break the cycle of yelling

Let’s get one thing straight: Every parent yells. Every parent makes mistakes. Every parent wonders, Am I getting this right? Breaking the cycle of yelling isn’t about becoming a “perfect” parent - it’s about feeling sturdier in those inevitable less-than-perfect moments. 

What does this look like in practice? 

  1. Repairing with our kids after we yell, so the moment becomes one of connection - instead of shame. 
  2. Resetting with ourselves before we yell - so we can learn how to manage our anger with kids in healthier, calmer ways.

How to repair after yelling

Okay, so you yelled. You feel awful. What happens next? Many parents either try to brush it off (“It wasn’t that bad”) or spiral into shame (“I’m the worst parent”). But there’s another option: repair. 

Good Inside’s repair strategy means coming back to your child and taking three simple steps:

  1. Naming what happened.
  2. Taking responsibility for your behavior. 
  3. Sharing what you want to do differently next time. 

Why does emotional repair with children matter? Reconnecting after parenting mistakes teaches kids that healthy relationships can withstand hard moments. You’re showing them that we all make mistakes - and we all have room to grow. And you’re modeling true accountability, instead of defensiveness (“I wouldn’t have yelled if you had just listened!”) or dismissal (“I’m sorry, can we move on?”). 

💬 Say this: “I yelled earlier. That wasn’t okay - and I’m sorry. I’m working on using a calmer voice, even when I feel frustrated.”

How to reset before yelling at kids

Okay, but what about reducing the need to yell at kids in the first place? Learning how to manage anger with kids requires reframing how we think about feelings like “anger” in the first place. 

So many of us grew up learning that certain feelings - especially tricky ones like anger, jealousy, or disappointment - make us “bad.” The truth? Feelings aren’t good or bad. Feelings are information. 

Think of anger as a check-engine light: a reminder something needs attention, not a sign of failure. Part of learning how to be a calm parent is paying attention to anger - instead of hiding it or pushing it down - because that’s how we learn how to cope with it. 

💡What does this look like in real life? Good Inside’s Yelling Workshop will give you practical strategies and tools to reset before you react.

Looking for more parenting support? Good Inside has you covered.

There’s so much more to say when it comes to breaking the cycle of yelling at kids. You deserve support and practical strategies through every “What about when…?” moment. That’s exactly why we created Good Inside. In our Yelling Workshop, you’ll learn our practical five-step yelling reset strategy and how to be a calmer parent starting today.

Plus, as a Good Inside member, you’ll also get access to personalized daily support, a 24/7 chatbot, sessions with trained parenting coaches, a community of parents who get it, and so much more. You don’t have to figure this out alone. We’re in this with you - through every age and stage of your parenting journey.

Frequently asked questions

How do I stop yelling at my kids?

First, know this: Every parent yells sometimes. Parenting without yelling at all isn’t a realistic goal. The goal is to repair when you do yell, and reduce the chance of yelling happening in the first place. First, start by noticing signals that your frustration tolerance is low: Are you tired? Overwhelmed? Feeling disconnected from your kid? And then, when you do yell, repair with your child by coming back to them and apologizing. 

Why do I lose my temper with my kids?

Losing your temper isn’t a personal flaw - it’s a predictable pattern. Yelling at kids usually happens when three factors collide: unmet needs (you’re running on empty), nervous system overload (too much noise, chaos, and stimulation), and disconnection (feeling out of sync with your child). When you understand these triggers, you can start to manage them more effectively and break the cycle of yelling.

How can I manage my anger as a parent in healthy ways?

Learning how to manage anger with kids starts with reframing anger itself. Anger isn’t a flaw - it’s a signal, like a check-engine light, telling you something needs attention. Instead of pushing anger down, practice noticing it early and finding reset strategies: a deep breath, a short pause, or saying out loud, “I need a minute.” These small steps help you stay calmer and model healthy coping skills for your child.

What should I say to my child after I yell?

Good parents aren’t perfect. Good parents repair and reconnect with kids after parenting mistakes. Repair might sound like: “I yelled earlier. That wasn’t okay—and I’m sorry. I’m working on using a calmer voice, even when I feel frustrated.” Emotional repair with children infuses connection into tough moments, and models how to take accountability for mistakes and navigate conflict. 

Become the parent you want to be

Workshops for Every Problem

Most people come to us because there is a “fire” in their home. Our workshops are designed to contain that fire. And they work – every single time.

Strategies & Scripts for Every Situation
An Actual Parenting Village
Live Events with Dr. Becky, Experts, and Coaches
Become a member