Hi Parents,&nbsp;



The recent event in Texas has once again rocked our worlds. It’s unfair. It’s infuriating. It’s heartbreaking.



Here’s something I know: You want to help your child manage the stress and worry so that they can feel as safe and comfortable as possible.



And here’s something else I have a feeling about: You may more naturally think about your child’s needs than you think about your own needs.



Taking care of yourself is the first step to showing up as a sturdy leader for your child.



Taking care of ourselves starts with acknowledging, validating, and permitting everything we are feeling. The truth about feelings: They just have to be felt. It&#8217;s okay to be angry. It&#8217;s okay to feel numb. It&#8217;s okay to cry. Everything you are feeling makes sense.



Times like this can bring up a lot of emotions for us as parents, as people. And what happens if we do break down in front of our kids?&nbsp;



Deep breath. Our emotional displays do not overwhelm our children. What overwhelms a child is witnessing an emotional display and not having an adult explain and connect afterwards.



Here are five steps for explaining our own big feelings to kids:



<ol><li>Validate your child’s perception. It’s critical to let your child know that their perceptions are real.&nbsp;</li><li>Provide a story. Without a story to make sense of things, a child feels alone and worried.</li><li>Explain that your child is not to blame. Explicitly tell your child that your feelings are not their fault.&nbsp;</li><li>Assert your capability. Children feel safe when their attachments with parents feel secure. Tell your child that even when you’re upset or sad or angry, you still love them and will take care of them.</li><li>Pause. Leave room for questions and feelings.</li></ol>



Putting these steps together might sound something like this:



“I know you saw me crying in the kitchen earlier today. Just like we talk about your big feelings… Adults have big feelings, too. I learned about a really sad thing that happened and crying is something I do when I feel sad. You didn&#8217;t do anything to make me cry. And here&#8217;s the thing: Even when I&#8217;m sad, I&#8217;m still your strong Mommy who will take care of you. I will still give you a bath and read you books.”



Deep breath. Shower yourself with compassion. This feels hard because it is hard. Lean on the people around you for support and know that I am right alongside you, navigating through this hard, hard time.



I have compiled a few additional resources below:



<ul><li>Sharon McMahon had me on her podcast “Sharon Says So” where we discussed communicating with our kids about tough topics, and how and when to share current event news so they feel safe. Listen to the episode <a href="https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly9mZWVkcy5hY2FzdC5jb20vcHVibGljL3Nob3dzLzYxNzk4ZWFlYzkyNDdmMDAxMmM3ZTU4Yw/episode/NjFmOTc1MzkzNDAzOTYwMDExMjliZmI4?hl=en&amp;ved=2ahUKEwiKsvXriPv3AhUFk4kEHSwSCsgQjrkEegQIAhAF&amp;ep=6" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">here</a>. </li></ul>



<ul><li>Slide 3 of my recent Instagram post offers guidance on how to talk about the recent event in Texas with our kids. And slide 4 answers the common question: “What is the appropriate age to talk about this event?” Find the post <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/Cd_uJqBhevM/?utm_source=Klaviyo&amp;utm_medium=email&amp;utm_campaign=Issue%20055%3A%20This%20Feels%20Hard%20Because%20It%20Is%20Hard&amp;_kx=mTKkbhzXgCTjB3MPvc7_4-7Y4iTBWKyQFuLm5N_Wq03pkDztx0tE2DNNg_-XQLgS.WermMW" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">here</a>.</li></ul>



<ul><li>Episode 4 of my podcast, Good Inside with Dr. Becky, gives scripts and strategies for what to say when our kids are afraid. Listen to the episode <a href="https://open.spotify.com/episode/3iv5DEydmcQE07BjAHV2hn?si=RZncUGhcQWKUgi5xDG2DNg" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">here</a>. </li></ul>



<ul><li>This Instagram post breaks down anxiety and how to manage it. Find the post <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/Ca7QjE-hJM0/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">here</a>.</li></ul>



<ul><li>If you are a member of Good Inside, we will be hosting a virtual live event to hold space and process this tragedy together. Find more information <a href="https://community.goodinside.com/c/upcomingevents/let-s-hold-space-support-session-about-the-south-texas-elementary-school-shooting" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">here</a>.</li></ul>



Be kind to yourself,



Dr. Becky

How to Remain Sturdy Amidst Tragedy

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